Saturday, May 30, 2009

Spoiler post: Why T4 sucks!

Ok, here it is - the much awaited "T4 Spoiler post" by public demand!*
*(read public = CP)

Read a few reviews praising the movie on IMDB.
Fail to understand how anyone can give this lousy movie a rating of 10 - It can happen only if they have not seen ANY of the movies that T4 has been "inspired" from.
(the count presently stands at 13 movies!)
Fail to understand how a Terminator movie was beaten by "Night at the museum" and still had a 7.4 rating on IMDB.
Fail to understand why of all the reviews written on the movie, none have been scathing of the movie and are trying to play down the lousiness of the movie. The most honest review was one that said "Ben Stiller finishes off Terminator Salvation". Why? Because it presented box office collections for the long weekend.

T4 - 53.8 Million
Night at the museum starring Ben Stiller - 70 Million!


Numbers don't lie. You cannot mellow them down like reviews written by paid scribes!



Here are reasons why T4 sucked and a few suggestions to make it better!

1. The 1st hour of the movie is just building up the plot.

2. The 2nd hour tries to show all the cool action that you have watched in the trailers! By then you are too bored to find it cool, especially if the trailers are in HD!

3. The people in the movie appear well groomed - not helpless and desolate (as they should be in a post-nuclear world)

4. The machines are collecting people to take them to a facility and then kill them. Why? Are you going to harvest them for making nuclear batteries?

5. Just use the robotic arm for picking up the people to crush them! Its more efficient instead of transporting them to a shed and THEN killing them!

6. (7.) In fact, why use the arm at all? Why not just carpet bomb the world and kill everyone.

7. (8.) Whats the use of killing ALL the people? Or even capturing them? Were the machines just trying to find something to keep themselves busy? -

"Gee, we built so many extra nuclear batteries. We'll have to build some terminators to use them now."
"Gee, now there are extra Terminators, so lets kill some people even though they are not much of a resistance!" groovy! (FYI, that's what Bush did in Iraq. Its not the future, its the past!)

8. (6.) In the beginning of the movie, John Connor looks at a nuclear blast happen and survives without even getting a pimple on his ass.

9. (7.) You cannot kill a terminator by shooting it with a gun! Its stupid! The bullets will just bounce off!

10. (8.) Once the gun is empty, you cannot throw it at the Terminator and say "die!" - No, that will not kill it either, unless you are trying to kill it with your stupidity!

11. (9.) When you see a 30 foot "Transformer type" robot coming at you, you should know you cannot outrun it in a pickup truck!

12.(10.) The "predator" in the Arnold movie was a better killing machine than the Terminators!

13. (11.) The bat-man like bike dispatched from the robot's leg was not meant to be ridden by a human!

14 (12.) When there is a nuclear blast, you cannot communicate on radio!

15. (13.) You cannot blow up a nuclear battery plant and possibly escape in a helicopter! You will die!

16. (14.) The nuclear battery plant - the source of the terminator fuel - had minimal security! Even some banks these days have lasers to guard their facility!

17. (15.) If the terminators are heat proof, why not have a "heat-moat" around the plant that will kill humans, but allow the terminators to move in and out!

18. (16.) After killing all the humans, what will Skynet do? Grow potatoes? Or try to create a Issac Asimov inspired SIMS world by building fornicating robots!

19. (17.) The human-robot removes a computer chip from his brain and survives without a hitch! Did he run a test to check if the chip - embedded in his brain - was not vital for his survival? ha!

20. (18.) The same human-robot throws a chair at the display screen thru which Skynet communicated with him - even I know that not going to kill Skynet! Whats the point in that? Just run and save John without trying to reason with an AI computer that has almost succeeded in destroying the world!

21. (19.) If you are going to argue with Skynet, at least make sure you have some logic that would throw it into an endless recursive loop that will lock it up!

22. (20.) He could have installed Windows Vista on the computer - That would have caused it to crash every 30 minutes!

23. (21.) The patches required by Vista would cause Skynet to reboot twice every week. The humans can use that time to infiltrate and capture Skynet!

24. (22.) Putting charcoal over an airbrushed actor does not create an authentic desolate look! Try to get some make inspiration from Mad-Max if you have borrowed a few scenes from it!

25. (23.) The transformer type robot in point 9 raised the count of "Inspired movies" to 14!

26. (24.) Considering all the above points, this post should be called "your ticket money saving post!"

27. (25.) Add your own reason here!

28. A post-nuclear war world does not have a blue sky when nuclear explosions are still happening.

37 comments:

Vee said...

Whoa, shaant dost shaant.. Thats hell os reasons.. did ya put these there? U shud...

eye-in-sty-in said...

There as in where? IMDB? Naa. I dont write over there :-)

roflindian said...

Lol. T4 sounds more and more like a Chuck Norris movie.

avdi said...

Jo marzi bolo - whether or not I get to see the T4 movie depends on bambino.

AD said...

wow you are such a deep movie CRITIC :D

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Doc,
In that case, the list of movies that inspired T4 would be even longer!

Hi Ava,
:P Ok, I'll bite. Who is Bambino?

Hi AD,
Is that a compliment or were you just typecasting me?

sujata said...

Whenever I visist your blog it has a movie review and that too an action movie review..but enjoyed the post!! Enjoyed the previous one better though!!

Smita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Sujata,
I like movies... But hey, perhaps you missed the other posts...

http://eye-in-sty-in.blogspot.com/2009/05/cheating.html

http://eye-in-sty-in.blogspot.com/2009/05/roller-coasters.html

http://eye-in-sty-in.blogspot.com/2009/05/kitchen-tales-of-bachelor-how-to-start.html

http://eye-in-sty-in.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-is-your-blog-named-thus.html

:-))

Vee said...

Haan there only.. I put comments there once in a blue moon when I have nothing else to do... Koi na.. I have account.. temme what to post.. I will put it on ur behalf.. May be this whole post as it is.. Lol..

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Vee,

Even i'm registered there. But I only rate. T4 incidentally got an initial rating of 3. I wanted to give it 5, but I saw a lot of ratings with 10. And this was not a 10 by a long shot or by any shot! So I rated it 3 in order to balance things out with the paid 'fake' raitings. After CP's comment and confirmation, it now has a stellar rating of 1 from me :P You are welcome to post this revu there :-)

couchpapaya said...

EISI - awesome!! thanks for the post !!! i thought i was done t4 bashing but a conv. with friends over the weekend opened old wounds again, so this was cathartic :)

lol at what would skynet do after the humans are gone!! so true !! but, then u were thinking that the script was written with a modicum of intelligence ...

pt. 25 (in addition to 5 & 7, hey, where's 6?) even if the rest of the human were being kept for expts and other shit, why not just kill kyle reeves when they capture him instead of storing him in those sheds for john connor to walk in and rescue!!!

pt. 14, were u forgetting the single cartoon like terminator patroling the perimeter with even a bandana over one eye - wannabe pirate ?? we guffawed when we saw that.

u know pt. 13 seems to be the norm for action movies - remember a certain star-ship pulling OUT of a certain black hole hehe

actually now that u mention it, the terminators looked totally like transformers??? double boo..

oh well, i think i'm done with this movie, thx for the post, i can sleep well tonight :D

AD said...

THAT WAS A HEAVY COMPLIMENT! :)

where have you been btw?

Vidooshak said...

Am surprised they bothered with more T movies after T2. That was the epoch of film-making. Even JC couldn't better himself after that!

Thanks for saving us, with this scathing review.

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi CP,
The pleasure was all mine.
Not only the pirate-robot, I even forgot how to count. ^ was there, it was just not in sequence - the numbers stand corrected and a new point has been added at the end of the post :-)

lol @ pirate robot.. Skynet was already into cost cutting, eh! Or perhaps it was trying to earn some carbon credits thru recycling of robots after polluting the world with nuclear ash!

Hi Vidooshak,
You echo my thoughts when you say that! T2 should have been the last terminator movie. People would at least have good memories of the series!

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi AD,
In that case, here is an equally heavy THANK YOU.

Am around... will visit soon :-)

eye-in-sty-in said...

Smita deleted a comment? Why?

Kamana said...

eye-in-sty-in,
thanks for stopping by. :)

Babli said...

I liked your blog very much.Its very nice and interesting.You are welcome in my blogs.

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Kamana,
Welcome to my blog.

Hi Babli,
Welcome to my blog. thank you for the compliment. Your blog is nice too.

Mumble! said...

ROFL!!

Unfortunately, I shall use the (still mumbleable) nearly-over pro-mux war (say, except for us muxers here, haven't heard of any actual drought-hit areas in the country this summer...Or does it cease to be newsworthy?), and a relapse into masochism to justify watching it when it opens here....

PurpleHeart said...

IMDB user comments don't always rate the movies right. Sometimes the user comments appear completely biased,it's after all an opinion of a viewer not a review. But the main IMDB rating is my source of reference for movie-picking too. You should post it on imdb. Good review. It's tough to find sensible user reviews on that site. So, don't just rate, do a copy paste ! :D

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Mumble,
I had to take 2 shots of whiskey before I could understand your comment ;-) Now it makes perfect sense... Put on ur batman suit and broker a peace pact b/w the distributors n multiplex owners :P

Hi PH,
Welcome to my blog. Once you login to IMDB, you can see the breakdown of the ratings on IMDB. It gives demographics of the raters and the ratings. Ok after you and Vee have urged me, I'll post it in IMDB.

eye-in-sty-in said...

Done! IMDB approval awaited! :-)

AV said...

LOLest! i wasnt too fond of the series itself in the first place( at least not as much as MATRIX or LOTR or POTC or MI or DieHard series), but now u hav convinced me not to watch T4 at all!:)

cheers!!

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Av,
Wemlcome to my blog (I think its the 1st time). The series is rated thus from best to worst - T2, T1, T3, T4. They should have stopped after T2... mos def after T3

Illeen said...

hehe..Shall watch the movie today.Maybe add a few of my insights as well :D

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Illeen,
Whats the point of writing revus when ppl dont listen to you (rolls eyes...) Good luck! shall await ur addition/s with bated breath!

eye-in-sty-in said...

IMDB comment approved. Thanks to the push from vee and PH! :-)

Bhupesh said...

:):)
I am still laughing buddy
:):)
Awesome
Gonna follow you for sure

Bhupesh said...

:):)
I am still laughing buddy
:):)
Awesome
Gonna follow you for sure

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Bhupesh,
Welcome to my blog! Thank you for following me. I'm honoured!!

Varun said...

Oh no! There goes one movie from my list this weekend.

How is hangover btw!? I am planning to watch it this Friday.

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hangover is great! too funny.... skip T4 and watch that instead....!

Shanu said...

Awesome review!! ROFL!

eye-in-sty-in said...

Thanks Shanu!
wish the movie was great! Such was the effect of this movie.... I coukld not bring myself to go watch the Transformers movie FDFS!!

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