Friday, May 15, 2009

Kitchen tales of a bachelor - How to start an oil fire!

1. Take a pan and pour some oil in it
2. Put it on a flame
3. As the gas takes time to heat the oil, you cool off with a chilled beer
4. Since cold beer does not go with hot kitchen, retire in bedroom
5. You have lots of work to do later that involves cooking! Pop in a movie dvd to relax
6. Get engrossed in movie and fall asleep
(In the mean time, the hot oil has started smoking and managed to catch fire)
7. Wake up when the smoke alarm goes off
8. Call friend on phone to ask what is this buzzing noise and why wont it stop
9. On finally noticing the smoke, run into the kitchen
10. Take the hot flaming pan of oil - which by now has burnt half of the microwave - and place it on the kitchen floor
11. Leave a burnt mark in the kitchen floor with this brilliant maneuver, so perfectly round, it'll make your geometry teacher proud and your apartment owner really mad.
[Its just a parting gift for him to remember you by :-) ]
12. Blame friends for leaving cold beer in the house that almost caused the building to burn down!
13. Open another beer to relieve you from the stress you just had to undergo
14. Finish off all cold beer in the house to prevent another fire

The next lesson will be on how to kill the colluding cooker - be on time for the lesson and bring your own beer!

PS: Post inspired by THIS article by Abha!

25 comments:

SAHITYIKA said...

hey thts a cool thing to do.. but i can't u knw. b/c i dont drink n i knw to cook .. :( n at the same time i live at home.. if my mom will see me doing this.. she will kill me on the spot... he ha he
but for sure i cn tell some of my frnds.. they cn surely try.. n if they r successful doing this. i will surely tell u.. :)

Zeba Talkhani said...

Oh this is just too funny. Had me in splits. And sadly, I can see myself do this sometime in the future!! Lol. And I am not able to follow your blog! :-( Thecnical error it seems!!

Smita said...

lol :D

This reminds me of my times in Ahmedabad. I was watching TV with full concentration and could hear a sound in background. I thought somebody had left the tap open (kuch behne ki awaaz thi). I was cursing the imaginary person ki kitna paani waste karte hain.

After around 15 mins there was this foul smell which hit me and reminded me that I had kept milk for boiling and that sound all the while was of milk pouring out :D

Another memorable incident was when my Mom had gone out and I thought it was time me do some experiment in kitchen. I was following a recipe to the T and drained hot oil through a plastic channi leaving a biiig gaping hole in it :D

And all this happened sans the beer ;-)

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Sahityika,
Even I know how to cook - that does not mean incidents wont still happen :P
And btw, these instructions are NOT to be followed - will I have to put a disclaimer now .. lol
If you know your mom will stress out watching you drinking beer, be sure to make some margaritas in advance for her - its uncool to drink alone :D

Hi Zeba,
Welcome to my blog. Technical error you say... Will I have to write a post on "how to use computers?" now..? :P

Hi Smita,
None of this would have happened if you had been drinking beer. Start immediately to avoid catastrophes in future!
If you drink 1 beer in the next 1 hour, you will be safe for next 20 seconds
If you drink 5 beer in the next 1 hour, you will be safe for next 37.5 seconds
If you drink 10 beer in the next 1 hour, you will be not safe - you will just be drunk
If you attempt to be funny and make snide remarks on beer - you will be forced to drink milk for 21.75 days

Angel's Flight said...

hahahahaha

babe these are perfect instructions!! u should become a professor!!!

Cheers

SAHITYIKA said...

yeah.. i knw incidents happen... bt u knw.. some crazy ppl cn follow u.. :D. i sent this to some of my frnds. :)
evn if i give my mom margaritas.. she wont allow me.. :(
bt i have plannings.. will do tht whn i will b out of my home.. ha ha ha..

Bouncing-Bubble said...

Can u add this after point 11, maybe as point 11.a)
"Be prepared to pay a hefty sum toward irreparable damages..!"

The Pink Orchid said...

woho! that was soooo funny.. :) had me in splits.. :) lol.. cool stuff..!!

Ann Dee said...

Almost every thing I cook, I burn...next time I'll try follow your recipe - make it perfect [I do not see the disclaimer yet]. :)

Btw, this colour combo is making your blog a little unreadable. Liked your previous template a lot better.

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Angel,
You didn't tell your tale here... out with the truth.

Hi again Sahityika,
If you make the margaritas strong enough, she wont be standing still to stop you :P Charity begins at home - so do adventurous kitchen incidents. They need to be perfected thru practice :P

Hi Bouncy,
I thought about adding the line, but then didn't - people might get fearful of bankruptcy and not pay my coaching fees ;-)

Hi Pink Orchid,
1st time on my blog? Welcome! Hope you are a good student who can follow instructions well ;-)

Hi Ann Dee,
Welcome to my blog. You seem to be an expert at this burning thing. Are you also a fire-starter? Be my guest at following the recipe - only catch is, you will have to share the incident with everyone including your past ones :P
Disclaimer ain't coming - if people are dumb enough to dig their own hole and also fall into it, they deserve to get hurt too...
Besides, the is enough hint at getting evicted from the building in the post to save me from an impending lawsuit :D
[err... did you already get started on the beer... ;-) My blog has always been painted in black :-)]

Ann Dee said...

ye, ye, i know, i know..but the previous template perhaps was more readable..i bleakly remember you had a diff template coz i liked it loads and actually was planning to get the same for my blog too...or perhaps my eyes are a little weak today...the world slows down for me on sundays..
readable or unreadable, as long as you keep writing wht you do, i'll strain my eyes anyways :)

Aparna said...

First time on your blog. Great humour. Once I was boiling an egg and I completely forgot about it. When the whole flat became full of smoke I rushed in to see the aluminium pan had melted and there was a perfect, neat hole in the middle.The egg was on the burner. And no it did not hatch..it was inedible though.

eye-in-sty-in said...

hi Ann Dee,
More beer consumption on Saturdays leads to increased sea-level on Sunday thus slowing down the earth's rotation... :D
let me rephrase the statement - I did not have another template for my blog... and if you remember what it was, feel free to use it :-)
Thanks for the loyalty - I'll try not to buckle under the pressure now ;-)

Hi Aparna,
Welcome to my blog. Thats another way to cook an egg "welldone"! I still feel the egg hatched and the chicken flew the coop behind the veil of a smoke screen :D [the pan melted? seriously? wow!]

avdi said...

I could sense trouble the minute you mentioned beer ! Fie Fie !

Burnt microwave.. how horrid .. shiver.. I will get nightmares tonite.

Valerine said...

EISI......amazing recipe......lol....Well i have burnt milk thrice and so bad dat i had to discard the vessel....Nd guess wat i kept the milk vessel on the gas stove on sim and was on a call in my bedroom....After a while i cud smell somethin burning...Nd i told my friend i guess something's burning in my neighbor's house....Nd then i realized it was my home.....
Well i have done crazy stuf including burning n cuttin my fingers in my initial days of cukin...But now m almost perfect....

Vyzz said...

hey ive read this before rite or was it the cooker..lol..crazy man..

:)

cheers

vyo

Shayari said...

Woo..that was a dangerously safe way to cook:o
Waiting, to here your take on "How to kill the Cooker" huh..!an essential menace in the kitchen.

Mama-Mia said...

:D

am glad you posted it here! and am waiting egaerly for the next lesson!

not that i need any, but then extra knowledge neva hurt anyone... or will it?! ;)

cheers!

abha

Chronicwriter said...

ahahaha.. have some fotos?

chriz

Illeen said...

Wow..somebody is experimenting.. :D

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Ava,
nightmares? you must love the little nuker! lol

Hi Valerine,
you too.. lolz... was beer involved too along with the cell phone? cutting fingers? hope you were not cooking vegetarian food :P

Hi Vodka lemon,
Naa.. you didn't read this one no where! Whoz your eye doctor again ;-)

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Shayari,
dangerously safe way? How do you explain that oxymoron, eh :P
The cooker is a big whistling threat indeed :D

Hi Abha,
all thanks to your post... As long as you drink enough beer, you should be bereft of any hurt :P

Hi Chronicwriter,
Naa... beer and camera can be a heady cocktail mix! :D

Hi Illeen,
more like perfecting a disaster... Speaking of disasters, your name is a spelling disaster waiting to happen... especially the way I'm spelling these days :-) Gotta find a nice nick for you... Any suggestions?

Smita said...

lol :D

Your reply looks like one of those umpteen forwarded mails warning you of dire consequences :D

And vaise if I follow your instructions mere liye dharm sankat ho jaayega...the only time I tasted Beer I hated it and you already know how much I hate Milk...so aisi faltoo ki conditions rejected :D

Nikki said...

Hello there! This is a very interesting post!

Thanks for stopping by!

Nikki

eye-in-sty-in said...

Hi Nikki,

Welcome to my blog. Thank you. Have blog rolled you :-))