Saturday, April 18, 2009

Action packed adrenaline pumping movie !! Movie Review: Crank (2006)

When the movie is "Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, sexuality, nudity and drug use", the audience is pretty much forewarned that this movie is not a family drama, right? So whats the point in trying to write a clean revu of a dirty movie. Here is your warning then....

Warning ! This revu is only for adults. It contains crude language along with references to drug use :-) If you cannot handle foul language, better stop reading right now - no sh!t !!

"Crank" is a smelly, yellow form of "meth" that is usually snorted. However, this review is about the movie by the same name and not about the crude form of "crystal meth" used for addiction and for getting high. For news on crystal meth see -

Jason Statham ... plays Chev Chelios, a professional assassin who gets poisoned and has to keep himself pumped with adrenaline to stay alive

Amy Smart ... plays "Eve", a dumb blond bimbo who is slow in getting things in perspective but good for sex !

Jose Pablo Cantillo ... plays Ricky Verona, a rival of Chev Chelios

Efren Ramirez ... plays Kaylo, a gay-funny-filler-type character in the movie

Dwight Yoakam ... plays Doc Miles, a smart resourceful doctor who fixes up Crazy Chev and likes getting massages from nude ladies

Carlos Sanz ... plays Carlito, a two timing syndicate leader who deals in drugs, guns and prostitution

Reno Wilson ... plays Orlando (I forget who the hell he was.... must be unimportant... )

Edi Gathegi ... plays an Haitian Cabbie driver who gives Chev some Haitian drug made from plants (he refers to Chev as a crack-head and calls the drug "Haitian plant sh*t".... LOL)

Keone Young ... plays Don Kim, another syndicate leader and a rival of Carlito whom Chev is supposed to kill

Valarie Rae Miller ... plays "Chocolate" (yeah.. that's her name). She is Doc Miles’ assistant cum receptionist (pun intended) and is unscrupulous

Yousuf Azami ... plays an Arab Cabbie (he has a scene involving a reference to Al-Quaida that happens so suddenly, its funny)

Written and directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, Produced by - Lakeshore Entertainment, Lions Gate Films, Radical Media and GreeneStreet Films; Crank is a bad-a$$ action packed adrenaline pumping funny movie that will get you high !!

In the plot, the lead character gets poisoned with a Chinese drug called "the Beijing cocktail" that has no antidote. The drug is inhibiting the absorption of adrenaline in his body eventually shutting down his heart and killing him. To stay alive, he has to keep himself pumped with adrenaline. This leads to a series of crazy events as the protagonist tries various means to stay pumped up while trying to stay focused at the same time and extract vengeance on the people who have poisoned him. While this is certainly not a whodunit, I’ll still only say this much about the plot as you’ll want to see and enjoy the rest yourself.

The plot is slick and simple ! No need to use too much brains... This is a movie that you can just sit back and enjoy. However, its not brainless either - It has repeat value !! I have seen it multiple times and it has managed to keep me in splits each time !! That's how a good action movie should be. It should keep you well entertained amidst all the violence and Crank does just that and does it beautifully !! There is not dull moment in the movie. Once you get into its groove and move along, the thrill ride it’ll take you to is spectacular !!

I liked the movie as i’m a fan of Jason Statham. He is like our own Sanjay Dutt (an actor from India) - A cool bad a$$ who is like able !! His movies are crazy, but they are guaranteed not to bore you and the action is cool, humor is dry and sarcastic and the dialogues are even cooler. You will be entertained... period !! Fultoo paisa vasool !!

The movie has its share of goofs and some are very obvious. The lead character gets shot, but is later seen walking normally. While falling from a chopper, he has enough time to call his GF and leave her a message on the answering machine ... (yeah right !!) Point is - This is not a technically perfect movie and you have to take some scenes with a grain of salt. Although existent, the goofs are few and far in between and I still recommend the movie in spite of these goof-ups.

Top 10 reasons why should you watch this movie ?==============================================================
1. There is a car driven thru a shopping mall that winds up sideways on an escalator.
2. There is a sex scene where the protagonist screws his literally Blond girl-friend in a china town with a bunch of teenage school girls watching and cheering him on !
3. There is a lot of drug use in the movie.
4. It has a Nokia phone in it with a really cool ring tone that generally wakes up the lead character after he has passed out while doing his many crazy antics in the movie.
5. It has a lot of gun action and a couple of cool car chase scene.
6. It has 2 hand chopping scenes and one scene where a sewing machine is used on a hand - Tatopoulos Studios has done the special effects just for these two scenes.[note: one of the hand chopping scenes is actually very funny - After chopping the hand from the arm, Chevy tells his side kick - a f@g - "Wanna hold hands ?" and throws the chopped hand at him - Now you tell me people -- to be able to make a joke like that when you are dying - isn't that funny and cool... !!]
7. If you can handle crude language and drug abuse, along with the start to end action, the movie is interspersed with a lot of humor for the audience.
8. If you want to learn how to steal a bike from a cop at a traffic light !
9. If you want to have some cheap but cool fun :-)
10. If you are a Jason Statham fan. Though I must warn you, if you are not, there is a good chance you might become one after watching this movie :-)

Question- Why are you still reading the fcuking revu, punk !! Get your b#tt to the store, pop the dvd and get your adrenaline pumping, but do it after leaving a comment else you’ll get a bullet in your a$$... punk !! - The movie is full of such dialogues n lingo.

Fist published here by me.


Smita said...


I visited....:-)

eye-in-sty-in said...

lol - what r u doing here? U are the last person for such movies!

Smita said...

Since i came and i even read it so i thought why not leave a foot print as well. And doesn't my comment justify the fact am the last one for such movies?

Anonymous said...

Am looking for it quite long. In India these movies are mostly unavailable.

Have you seen Boyle's Trainspotting ?

eye-in-sty-in said...

I did. But dont remember it now.