Kanyadan and the myths surrounding it.

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One way to ensure a lasting effect of civilizational collapse is to attack its very fundamentals. In our case, it is the family system that has been both the cynosure as well as eyesore for many, particularly the Western thought.

Therefore, by introducing inappropriate translations and equivalences to Dharmic concepts, people try to influence their own myopic view of humanity and life in general. The ready availability of semi-literate wokes among us is an added bonus in this endeavor. One such concept that has been vilified by not just dolts

but by this new breed of so-called corporate gurus is Kanyadaanam. 

Kanyadanam is probably the very few types of daanas that actually confer more than what is being given. It is also the only daana to my knowledge where the daata does not say "Na mama". Let's look at it briefly.

First, let's attempt to understand what daana means. Daana is NOT gifting. Donation may be a suitable translation, but it is still grossly inadequate. There is no proper translation for Daana in English. Etymology is everything when it comes to practices in SD.

In very simple terms, Diyathe iti daanam. That which is to be given. So, can anything that can be given qualifies to be a daana? No. The Amarakosa further defines Daana as Thyago vihaapitam utsarjana visarjane — all these are different forms of daana

There are also 9 other synonyms including vitaranam, sparsanam nirvapanam etc. 

But the core of all is Thyaga. Keep a note on "Thyaga" for now. 

That's why it's further said that all these different forms of daana are only to be given to Devabraahmanadi sampradaanaka dravyamochanam

(note that it is single word when written in Samskrutam), which means Daana can only be given to Devatas, Brahmanas, and others who do proper sadaachara. This is way beyond the purview of the word "gifting" or "commodification". In fact while giving the daana to a Brahmana,

the gruhasta says, Vipraya prakatavrataya bhavate Vishnu swarupaaya te. The recipient is considered sakshat Bhagavan Himself. Do we give gifts thinking the other person is God? No.

 

The act of Daana is proper science in itself, which we will discuss later. There are so many variations and eligibility criteria listed, which are quite exhaustive to make it a mini Sastra. But understanding the essence of Daana is essential to know the significance of Kanyadana.

Of all the most important aspects of daana, a few salient features must be known to properly differentiate it from gifting.

1. The enjoyment of daana is for the dhaata and not the receipient.

2. It is the dhaata's responsibility to find a suitable recipient. Only daanas given to

suitable recipients count. And if the dhaata makes a mistake in estimation of the recipient's worthiness, the sin incurs to the donor and not the recipeient.

3. Daana can be given to all Varnas.

4. Daana is given only upon saying the sankalpa and to the intended recipient only.

5. Daana should be given with respect and without any regrets or remorse.

Having known this basic premise of daana, let's juxtapose this to Kanyadana and also add a tinge of Vedantic wisdom.

Many say Kanyadana is a recent practice included in smritis and grihyasutras but not in Vedas. This is not correct. First of all, this stupid classification of pre-Vedic, post-Vedic time period should be discouraged. Time is always Vedic since it's a form of Paramatma Himself.

There are basically 8 types of vivahas. Of which the first 4 viz. Braahmyam, Daivam, Aarsham, and Praajapatyam are exalted. As humans, we follow Praajapatyam in the interest of leading a Dharmic life and to beget Dharmic progeny. The other 4 viz Aasuram, Gaandharvam, Raakshasam,

and Paisaachikam are forbidden in Kali Yuga. What's the issue if one elopes and marries with with a partner of their choice, you ask? Sastras dont give out personal judgement. They only talk on the basis of what sustains Dharma and what doesnt.

 

Upanishad says Na karmanaa na prajayaa thyage naike amrutatva maanasu:

Not my karmas alone, not by progeny alone, immortality (everlasting bliss) is attained by renunciation. Now this is a very lofty saying and one of the cornerstones of vivaha is to help us realize this suktam.

Remember, we alluded to the word Thyaga before? Thyaga can be somewhat translated as renunciation. 

In fact, the word yagna means thyaga-purvaka karma. Bhaarata is the land where such yagnas are performed. While people may have their own individual perceptions, as per Sastras

The summum bonnum of marriage is to beget Dharmic progeny. Prajaayai gruha medhinaam says Kalidasa in Raghuvamsam. I've heard people saying marriage is all about Paanigrahanam and not Kanyadanam. This is laughable. Vivaha includes several Vaidika krathus of which Kanyadanam

actually precedes Paani Grahaham and Vivaha Homam. Like Daana, the bride's family (or anyone who is performing the marriage) first ascertains the eligibility of the groom by looking at his vamsam and his qualities. Similar to Daana, Kanyadana is also a Vaidika kriya. Therefore,

it can be given only to those described before i.e. Devatas, Brahmanas, and other eligible people. This is why the groom is considered to be Maha Vishnu and the bride to the Maha Lakshmi. By union of Paramatma and Prakruti, creation is established. SD practices are a microcosm of the overarching principles governing this universe. And similar to how the dhaata has to arrange all the paraphernalia required for daana, the kanyadhata also has the final say in arranging for this kanyadanam. The groom or his family has no right to interfere in this.

This is modern day malice just like dowry. While performing the kanyadanam, the father says saalankruta sahiranyodaka kanyadanam aham karishye. Even today in marriages, the father says the shloka that Maharaja Janaka said while giving kanyadanam of Sita to Raama.

Iyam Seeta mama suta sahadharmacharee tava |

Praticcha tenaam badram te paanim gruhnishva paaninaa ||

This is my daughter Seeta. She will follow you in all your Dharmic duties. Accept Her. Let both of you be safe. Take Her Palm into Yours.

Janaka further goes on to say,

Pativrata Mahaabhaaga Chhaayevaanugatha sadaa

She will be auspicious and abiding and will follow You like Your Shadow.

Remember I had said that in kanyadana the daatha does not utter na mama. This is because if the father says na mama, then it means he has completely

all of her responsibilities. Janaka never said na mama. That means the father/parents can still intervene if needed. She is still very much their daughter. This is not applicable to conventional daana let alone gifting.

However, the maternal side rarely, if at all, involves with the couple's ways of life. Therefore, the take home message is, kanyadana is NOT gifting. The bride is NOT a commodity. The father entrusts a responsibility to the groom and does not trade anyone. Vaidika Vivaha sampradayas need to be respected for not only the wellbeing of the natives but for the welfare of the world as well. 

The Saptapadi itself signifies 1 Paramatma, 2 humans, 3 knots, 4 diks as the witness, 5 bhutas as guests, 6 seasons, and 7 steps. 

All this to ultimately realize the original Upanishadic purport of thyage naike amrutatva maanasu:

mentioned before.

Without understanding such depth, one should not draw faux conclusions and mislead people in the garb of what one thinks is right or wrong. Tasmat sastram pramanam te kaarya akaarya vyavasthithou. 

Follow Rishi vakyam and be happy. Shubham 🤚🏻