2009 Spanish GP qualifying, T4 and some funny clips

Did anyone else watch the qualifying for the Spanish GP? For the first time this season I felt that red car found its groove! As the Ferrari aggressively turned the corners on the Spanish track, one could tell the car was a serious contender this time! I did not know at that time who was the driver - it could either be Filipe Massa who found his "mad-streak" yet again or it could be Kimi Raikkonen who had to undergo yet another bowel movement and thus was driving fast to get to the loo! To my delight, it was Massa who was able to break into the top 4 slots in qualifying that were almost sealed by the Brawn GP and Red Bull cars.

The best part was the red car was not running light either! Does it mean that my favourite team is back in contention? Has the season officially begun at Ferrari then? Perhaps the wake up call came when they were seen battling a Force India car for position in the previous race in Bahrain! What remains to be seen is if this is a fluke or a reality? The car weight suggests its could be a reality as Massa is the heaviest of all the top 6 qualifiers! I cant wait to find out in the next 10.5 hours as the Spanish GP begins!

Pos., Driver, team, Qualifying weight of car
1. Jenson Button, Brawn GP, 646kg
2. Sebastian Vettel, Red Bull, 651.5
3. Rubens Barrichello, Brawn GP, 649.5
4. Felipe Massa, Ferrari, 655
5. Mark Webber, Red Bull, 651.5
6. Timo Glock, Toyota, 646.5

The Brawn GP team is sporting the Terminator Salvation livery on their cars to promote the 4Th movie in the franchise! Have you watched the previews? Aren't they just awesome? I cannot wait for T4 to be released on May 21!

Raikkonen's bowel movement moment !

This clip has a better, cleaner and funnier foot-in-mouth situation !

Movie Review: Race (2007)

Lets say that there is a race. The important emelents of a race are the drivers and cars, right? While that may be true, the race track too provides a big part of the entertainment. A good racetrack should have a blend of straights and twists. Too much straights and the cars just zoom past the audience... Too many twists and there is not enough thrill of speed. The right blend of straights and twists and you get a good racetrack that provides good entertainment. In a movie, the racetrack is the story.

The story in Race just has too many twists to pick pace... The viewer kind of feels like get a serving of noodles after being promised jalebis! The good thing is that the twists in the plot are spread well apart but the comedy is just horrendous! Instead of giving relief to the audience and allowing them to digest the twists, it adds to the headache and makes one cringe at the pathetic humor. With Akshaye Khanna cracking SMS jokes about alcohol being a slow killer while being drunk... to Anil Kapoor giving sexual "hints" to his secy using fruits as a metaphor in "not so subtle" dialogues that dont make you laugh most of the time. At one point, he even gropes her boobs under the guise of checking her heart rate... seriously?! Why can't I do that in my job without the fear of getting sued... (and a black eye!)

Saving grace! Skin, skin n more skin! Good locales. A race tracks and cars. Nice designer outfits!

The babes provide good eye candy - at the end of the movie, it was difficult to judge who was better looking, a wet Bipasha or a wet Katrina! Tough choice indeed! ;-) Feel free to cast ur vote in the comments (multiple selections allowed). Sameera was wasted as was Johnny Lever. [As a friend put it - Sameera can't even play dumb properly] Ladies can pick between a shirtless Saif, a shirtless Akshaye or a fully clad Anil for ogling.

Verdict:
All the horse racing and the car chasing was lost in the stripping as the twists spun out of control! The mish-mash made the 2.5 hour movie feel like a 3.5 hour movie that came with a free headache. Really, thats all I have to say about the movie... Its not worth wasting any more brain power! The poor comedy killed most of the few brain cells I had left! (most of the few - see, there's your proof!)

2.5 / 5

!~~~ Makes heads turn ~~~!

When my gf made a comment that my Honda Accord looked "too executive", I decided it was time to change my wheels. Although I did like my Accord, it was indeed tad to comfy for my taste. Which is what started my hunt for a car. The criteria was quite simple. I wanted all the safety features of the Accord but in a sportier car that was also economical and reliable.

The search on google brought up 3 names - The MINI Cooper (those who have seen The Italian Job know what I mean), Volkswagen GTI (loved the fact that it came with a built in TURBO !!) and the Toyota Celica (loved its low profile, sleek shape and muscular styling.... the dials and the seats .... ok... I’ll stop now).

Search as I might, I could not get a Celica within my price range and if I did, the car was not in my color choice. When my birthday arrived, I decided that I was going to sell my Accord to put additional pressure on myself to make a decision. Having done that, I said to myself - If I’m going to be denied a Celica and have to pay high maintenance anyways, I’m gonna treat myself to a Merc or a Beemer!! Having said that, I went to the local car dealer and there.... Sitting demurely and yet commanding attention was a Honda. It felt quite at home with all the classy cars. As my love of Japanese cars is well known, I decided to go for a spin.

The first thing I noticed from the outside was the distinctive shape. It has a lot of curves and slopes in the hood, but as you progress towards the boot, the car gets more and more muscular and leaner. I guess the idea was to make people think that the car is a puny kitten, but when they take this pocket rocket up for a race, the boot is what they’ll see most of the times which will make them have new found respect for the vehicle!

The first thing I noticed on the interior was the inviting trim on the vehicle. Black cloth seats with red stitching is the theme of the vehicle. The dials have a white background with black letters and a red glow to them. The seats are meant to be comfortable and hugged my body well for aggressive cornering and driving comfort. The head rests have a hole - the kind you see in sports convertibles or in rally racers. Such is the attention to detail here, that the rally style shifter and the leather steering also have red stitching - like a base ball- to match the seats. The silver center console lends a touch of class to this sporty vehicle. Again, the door knobs are made to match the console and have a matt sliver finish to them. Full points to Honda for the interiors. They even have 3 cup holders in the front seats with the driver getting 2 - one on the left that pops in and out and another in the usual place below the center console; this was to help make the car comfy for left handers and for subtly saying "we are designing this to be a drivers car"!

The 2.0 liter iVTEC DOHC 16-valve 4 Cylinder with Continuously Variable Cam Timing has 3 distinct sounds to it - A low grunt in the 1.5K - 3K RPM range, A gentle purr in the 3k-4.5K range and a throaty Roarrrr in the 5-7K range!! The power delivery can be felt accordingly in each of the ranges. The thing I love the most about this engine is that it is very happy to redline!! In the initial days of owning my car, I loved revving it and feeling the surge of power propel the car at the whims of my right foot! It was a beast that needed to be tamed and we got along perfectly!

The iVTEC technology means that when you are not revving the engine you can get 26 MPG in the city and 30 MPG on the freeway. I get 24 in City and 28-29 on the freeway. If revving it, the fuel economy drops to 21-22.xx range, but the fun had while doing it more than makes up for the measley gas milage :-))

The engine generates 160 horses @ 6,500 RPM and can propel this beast to 60 MPH in 7.9 Secs!! This makes the Civic Si an under 20,000 Dollar vehicle that is an under 8 second car!!!! All this while looking good too! If the Civic’s your wife, you wont need a mistress!

The front suspension of the Civic is a MacPherson Strut design to allow room for a high-mounted steering box with longer steering arms for improved stability. The rear suspension is the double wishbone type biased toward handling. The suspension is calibrated toward a firm ride at the expense of comfort (again, this is a sports car). The longer steering arms for improved stability mean that you can take corners at insane speeds without going over the edge as I found out in the 1st week of driving it. I hit an on-ramp designed for 25 MPH at 50 MPH and the car was riding on 3 wheels, but the rubber didnt leave the road and the corner was conquered without a scratch! I got my money’s worth right there!

It comes with an electric power steering for better control and improved fuel economy. As you speed up, the computer reduces the power steering effort in one MPH increments up to 99 MPH. This is done to provide the best steering feel at highway speeds, while providing a light steering effort during parking maneuvers. Very intelligent and very effective.

Being a driver’s car, it comes only with a 5-speed manual tranny. An automatic option is not available in the Si version. The clutch is very light and the short throw shifter is rally inspired - this is a boon because the engine and the gear box are mated in a way that will require you to shift gears often in the city, but the Honda engineers have made shifting a breeze.

The car comes fully loaded and there is no other option available for this vehicle.

Now the bad - After an year of driving, the car feels under powered, especiallly in 1st gear. The 2.0 engine feels small and at highway speeds, you feel the need of an extra gear as the engine revs are very high at highway speeds. A 6-speed gearbox would have improved gas milage and will also be easy on the engine because the ideal cruise RPM should be 2.5K and not 3.5 K on the freeway. The car lost points only because of this little nag that is important to me.

The verdict on this car - It is a head turner for sure. What looks like a demure cat easily turns into a beast if you wish it to. The car will get you noticed as you arrive in style!

4.9/5 on style
3.9/5 on performance
4.5/5 on the X-factor

Where is the justice?

I usually stay away from politics - Mostly because I feel discussing it is a waste of time. However, sometimes, it just cannot be ignored and certain events just have to be discussed, the primary reason being that these events are used time and again to play hate-politics.

Came across this wonderful eye-opening article that is a textbook example of how sensitive topics should be handled - factually.

I warn you that it is long, however, I strongly urge every self-respecting Indian to read it fully and after reading to spread awareness about this. After all what is the point in simply reading stuff just to kill time!

______________
Riotous Reportage: Gujarat 2002
Sandhya Jain
18 April 2009

http://www.vijayvaani.com/FrmPublicDisplayArticle.aspx?id=521

The author is Editor, http://www.vijayvaani.com/
PS: Had posted the entire article here, but then it could be a copyright issue! So pls read the link instead!

Roadies - not the show!

U know how the bikers try to squeeze into any available space on the road. Well, one of them tried to squeeze in front of the swift and royally nudged the bumper. The guy looks at me in the eye, looks at the bumper and does not even apologise! Such incidents are a common occurrence in every city of India, and in many places, they are also accepted. but not in Bombay! And certainly not when the guy does not even apologise! Several maneuvers later, his bike is at 90 degrees to the direction of the traffic and smack in between a cab (ahead) and the Swift!

I got pissed. Had every right to. I thought, well, the bumper is screwed, why not fuck him up a little and teach him a valuable lesson.

I put the car in gear and drove it a few inches ahead. The pillion rider looks up and hits the hood of the car - as if I didn't know what I was doing. Bugger now had his finger print on my car too!

I get encouraged by the banging and moved ahead a bit more and rev up the engine for special effect. That did the trick. Now the pillion rider gets scared and moves both his legs to the other side of the bike. The guy driving the bike gets off his vehicle and comes up to me.

I said "Well, it looks like now I have your attention. Next time don't squeeze in front of cars and drive with some dignity. And don't forget to say sorry if you scratch some one else's car. You can go now".

The bugger went away without uttering a word. At least he did one thing right! I got out and guess what? Not a scratch on the bumper. Apparently they must use good paint at Maruti, huh!

If only everyone drove with just a little common sense, there would be at least 1/4th less traffic-jams on the street!

This post is also a comment on this post! It is during times like this that I wish I had wings! But then I look at the population and think, there would be a jam up there too!

More electrifying than the first! Movie review Crank 2 : High Voltage (2009)

If you liked Crank, you will love Crank 2 or Crank: High Voltage!

Yes people, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor have made my favourite movie even better and now its even electrifying-ly funny(pun intended!).

The movie is Rated R for frenetic strong bloody violence throughout, crude and graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language.

The movie is produced by Lakeshore Entertainment and Lionsgate (Lionsgate is the same company that produced the SAW movie series! Exciting bunch of people they are!)

Cast

Jason Statham is Chev Chelios, this time he loses his heart! (not figuratively, but literally!) [Check out the pic]

Dwight Yoakam is Doc Miles, who still has massages from nude ladies and has "Chocolate" for his receptionist. (Any guesses as to why she is called Chocolate?)

Amy Smart is Eve - still blond, but now smarter (lives up to her name, eh!) and savvier (she now has an iPhone) Did I mention she is a stripper?
Corey Haim is Randy - Randy is a pimp, ladies n gentlemen!
[You can see Eve tossing Randy on a car in the pic]

Efren Ramirez is Venus - he is Kaylo's twin brother - also gay with FBT - Full body turrets!

Reno Wilson is Orlando (Again, I forgot who he was... He must still be unimportant!)

Keone Young is Don Kim - a syndicate leader

Art Hsu is Johnny Vang - A guy who is carrying Chev's heart in a ice box! (yep, seriously!)


Ling Bai is Ria - a prostitute saved by Chev who is now smitten by him [Pic on right]

David Carradine is Poon Dong - A 100+ year old mafia honcho who wants Chev's heart and other "well endowed" body parts to keep living his racy lifestyle!

Billy Unger is Young Chev - Watch out for the talk show part in the movie. Its too funny!
Jamie Harris is Talk Show Host and Geri Halliwell is his mom.


Joseph Julian Soria is Chico - A gang .. oh well, see the freaking poster on the left.. lol!

The plot is once again, super simple - Crank 2 starts where Crank left off - Chev falls from a chopper, bounces off a car and lands splat on the street! Before the medics can get to him, he is scooped off the streets (literally with a shovel!). Having survived a deadly Chinese poison - the Beijing cocktail, the gangs want him for his body parts, starting with his heart. So they cut him open n take it and replace it with an artificial 4 chambered battery powered one! (Seen on the left. PS: The heart used in the movie is an actual artificial heart!)

Unfortunately, the heart is designed to sustain the person and is not meant for vigorous, stressful activities! And if you know Chev's lifestyle from Crank, its anything but peaceful! The external battery sustaining the heart is ruined in 10 minutes of him getting it. The internal power only lasts for a short time before the 4 chambered plastic pump would stop. Chev has to keep him self electrically charged by any means necessary to stay alive! The premise has now been set for a lot of weird, shocking, funny moments in the movie!
Oh yes, he also has to retrieve his original heart that has been implanted in Poon Dong after killing a bunch of people while trying to stay alive! no problem at all.. lol!

Like its predecessor, this movie too has its share of unrealistic moments and pushes the 'reality' envelope a lot many times! People who have not watched Crank and who do not know what to expect will find asking themselves "What? How is that possible?". But for the fans of Crank, its all good! Why you ask?

Because this is Crank 2! People going to watch this movie would expect to see something shocking (another attempt at pun), violent, crass and outrageous! They would expect the "in-your-face" outrageous-ness! Without showing these things, the movie would not be fit enough to bear the title of Crank!

********** Warning! Spoilers ahead!!!!!! **********

Here are a few reasons why you should watch this movie!
1. It has Jason Statham in it! The guy simply knows how to entertain! I like his sarcastic dry wit displayed throughout the movie!
2. Random violence!
3. Random nudity!
4. Boob busting moments - A stripper gets shot in the tits and the silicone oozes out of her boobs! Excellent premise for Crank 2 the video game for ones with a twitchy trigger finger!

5. A sex scene on a race track where Eve 'rubs' against Chev to generate static electricity to keep his heart pumping while he is pumping her and a horse jumps over the pair in heat! (How freaking cool is that!) I was LMAO in the movie with the others viewers! (A semi drunk girl even shouted "oh yeah" in the audience! lol)

6. The violence is so big, the directors had to resort to clay-like animation to depict it! It was so freaking cool for me coz it reminded me of the 60's tv show for kids called Giant Robot (It was aired in the 80's on good ol' DoorDarshan!)

7. It has bare chested men of all sizes - tattooed, fat, fit, scrawny, muscular! take your pick and ogle away ladies! (don't miss the tongue and nipple clamp on Chev on yer right) ;-)

8. The titles are in retro-cool 8-bit graphics!

9. There are 2 heart surgeries shown in the movie! A must see for every self respecting wanna be heart surgeon :D

10. It depicts a strike by porn stars. The banners n chants are hilarious!

11. Its a Jason Statham movie and its Crank! Satisfaction guaranteed baby! 'Nuff said!

Watch it and have some cheap thrills and lots of racy, violent, electrifying action! Its a pretty cool movie!

6.5/10 for regular viewers

7/10 for action movie fans

7.5/10 for ones with a quirky sense of humor

8/10 for fans of the series!

Action packed adrenaline pumping movie !! Movie Review: Crank (2006)

When the movie is "Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, sexuality, nudity and drug use", the audience is pretty much forewarned that this movie is not a family drama, right? So whats the point in trying to write a clean revu of a dirty movie. Here is your warning then....

Warning ! This revu is only for adults. It contains crude language along with references to drug use :-) If you cannot handle foul language, better stop reading right now - no sh!t !!

"Crank" is a smelly, yellow form of "meth" that is usually snorted. However, this review is about the movie by the same name and not about the crude form of "crystal meth" used for addiction and for getting high. For news on crystal meth see - http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/drugs/crystalmeth.html

Cast
Jason Statham ... plays Chev Chelios, a professional assassin who gets poisoned and has to keep himself pumped with adrenaline to stay alive

Amy Smart ... plays "Eve", a dumb blond bimbo who is slow in getting things in perspective but good for sex !

Jose Pablo Cantillo ... plays Ricky Verona, a rival of Chev Chelios

Efren Ramirez ... plays Kaylo, a gay-funny-filler-type character in the movie

Dwight Yoakam ... plays Doc Miles, a smart resourceful doctor who fixes up Crazy Chev and likes getting massages from nude ladies

Carlos Sanz ... plays Carlito, a two timing syndicate leader who deals in drugs, guns and prostitution

Reno Wilson ... plays Orlando (I forget who the hell he was.... must be unimportant... )

Edi Gathegi ... plays an Haitian Cabbie driver who gives Chev some Haitian drug made from plants (he refers to Chev as a crack-head and calls the drug "Haitian plant sh*t".... LOL)

Keone Young ... plays Don Kim, another syndicate leader and a rival of Carlito whom Chev is supposed to kill

Valarie Rae Miller ... plays "Chocolate" (yeah.. that's her name). She is Doc Miles’ assistant cum receptionist (pun intended) and is unscrupulous

Yousuf Azami ... plays an Arab Cabbie (he has a scene involving a reference to Al-Quaida that happens so suddenly, its funny)


Written and directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, Produced by - Lakeshore Entertainment, Lions Gate Films, Radical Media and GreeneStreet Films; Crank is a bad-a$$ action packed adrenaline pumping funny movie that will get you high !!


In the plot, the lead character gets poisoned with a Chinese drug called "the Beijing cocktail" that has no antidote. The drug is inhibiting the absorption of adrenaline in his body eventually shutting down his heart and killing him. To stay alive, he has to keep himself pumped with adrenaline. This leads to a series of crazy events as the protagonist tries various means to stay pumped up while trying to stay focused at the same time and extract vengeance on the people who have poisoned him. While this is certainly not a whodunit, I’ll still only say this much about the plot as you’ll want to see and enjoy the rest yourself.

The plot is slick and simple ! No need to use too much brains... This is a movie that you can just sit back and enjoy. However, its not brainless either - It has repeat value !! I have seen it multiple times and it has managed to keep me in splits each time !! That's how a good action movie should be. It should keep you well entertained amidst all the violence and Crank does just that and does it beautifully !! There is not dull moment in the movie. Once you get into its groove and move along, the thrill ride it’ll take you to is spectacular !!

I liked the movie as i’m a fan of Jason Statham. He is like our own Sanjay Dutt (an actor from India) - A cool bad a$$ who is like able !! His movies are crazy, but they are guaranteed not to bore you and the action is cool, humor is dry and sarcastic and the dialogues are even cooler. You will be entertained... period !! Fultoo paisa vasool !!

The movie has its share of goofs and some are very obvious. The lead character gets shot, but is later seen walking normally. While falling from a chopper, he has enough time to call his GF and leave her a message on the answering machine ... (yeah right !!) Point is - This is not a technically perfect movie and you have to take some scenes with a grain of salt. Although existent, the goofs are few and far in between and I still recommend the movie in spite of these goof-ups.

Top 10 reasons why should you watch this movie ?==============================================================
1. There is a car driven thru a shopping mall that winds up sideways on an escalator.
2. There is a sex scene where the protagonist screws his literally Blond girl-friend in a china town with a bunch of teenage school girls watching and cheering him on !
3. There is a lot of drug use in the movie.
4. It has a Nokia phone in it with a really cool ring tone that generally wakes up the lead character after he has passed out while doing his many crazy antics in the movie.
5. It has a lot of gun action and a couple of cool car chase scene.
6. It has 2 hand chopping scenes and one scene where a sewing machine is used on a hand - Tatopoulos Studios has done the special effects just for these two scenes.[note: one of the hand chopping scenes is actually very funny - After chopping the hand from the arm, Chevy tells his side kick - a f@g - "Wanna hold hands ?" and throws the chopped hand at him - Now you tell me people -- to be able to make a joke like that when you are dying - isn't that funny and cool... !!]
7. If you can handle crude language and drug abuse, along with the start to end action, the movie is interspersed with a lot of humor for the audience.
8. If you want to learn how to steal a bike from a cop at a traffic light !
9. If you want to have some cheap but cool fun :-)
10. If you are a Jason Statham fan. Though I must warn you, if you are not, there is a good chance you might become one after watching this movie :-)

Question- Why are you still reading the fcuking revu, punk !! Get your b#tt to the store, pop the dvd and get your adrenaline pumping, but do it after leaving a comment else you’ll get a bullet in your a$$... punk !! - The movie is full of such dialogues n lingo.

Fist published here by me.