Spoiler post: Why T4 sucks!

Ok, here it is - the much awaited "T4 Spoiler post" by public demand!*
*(read public = CP)

Read a few reviews praising the movie on IMDB.
Fail to understand how anyone can give this lousy movie a rating of 10 - It can happen only if they have not seen ANY of the movies that T4 has been "inspired" from.
(the count presently stands at 13 movies!)
Fail to understand how a Terminator movie was beaten by "Night at the museum" and still had a 7.4 rating on IMDB.
Fail to understand why of all the reviews written on the movie, none have been scathing of the movie and are trying to play down the lousiness of the movie. The most honest review was one that said "Ben Stiller finishes off Terminator Salvation". Why? Because it presented box office collections for the long weekend.

T4 - 53.8 Million
Night at the museum starring Ben Stiller - 70 Million!


Numbers don't lie. You cannot mellow them down like reviews written by paid scribes!



Here are reasons why T4 sucked and a few suggestions to make it better!

1. The 1st hour of the movie is just building up the plot.

2. The 2nd hour tries to show all the cool action that you have watched in the trailers! By then you are too bored to find it cool, especially if the trailers are in HD!

3. The people in the movie appear well groomed - not helpless and desolate (as they should be in a post-nuclear world)

4. The machines are collecting people to take them to a facility and then kill them. Why? Are you going to harvest them for making nuclear batteries?

5. Just use the robotic arm for picking up the people to crush them! Its more efficient instead of transporting them to a shed and THEN killing them!

6. (7.) In fact, why use the arm at all? Why not just carpet bomb the world and kill everyone.

7. (8.) Whats the use of killing ALL the people? Or even capturing them? Were the machines just trying to find something to keep themselves busy? -

"Gee, we built so many extra nuclear batteries. We'll have to build some terminators to use them now."
"Gee, now there are extra Terminators, so lets kill some people even though they are not much of a resistance!" groovy! (FYI, that's what Bush did in Iraq. Its not the future, its the past!)

8. (6.) In the beginning of the movie, John Connor looks at a nuclear blast happen and survives without even getting a pimple on his ass.

9. (7.) You cannot kill a terminator by shooting it with a gun! Its stupid! The bullets will just bounce off!

10. (8.) Once the gun is empty, you cannot throw it at the Terminator and say "die!" - No, that will not kill it either, unless you are trying to kill it with your stupidity!

11. (9.) When you see a 30 foot "Transformer type" robot coming at you, you should know you cannot outrun it in a pickup truck!

12.(10.) The "predator" in the Arnold movie was a better killing machine than the Terminators!

13. (11.) The bat-man like bike dispatched from the robot's leg was not meant to be ridden by a human!

14 (12.) When there is a nuclear blast, you cannot communicate on radio!

15. (13.) You cannot blow up a nuclear battery plant and possibly escape in a helicopter! You will die!

16. (14.) The nuclear battery plant - the source of the terminator fuel - had minimal security! Even some banks these days have lasers to guard their facility!

17. (15.) If the terminators are heat proof, why not have a "heat-moat" around the plant that will kill humans, but allow the terminators to move in and out!

18. (16.) After killing all the humans, what will Skynet do? Grow potatoes? Or try to create a Issac Asimov inspired SIMS world by building fornicating robots!

19. (17.) The human-robot removes a computer chip from his brain and survives without a hitch! Did he run a test to check if the chip - embedded in his brain - was not vital for his survival? ha!

20. (18.) The same human-robot throws a chair at the display screen thru which Skynet communicated with him - even I know that not going to kill Skynet! Whats the point in that? Just run and save John without trying to reason with an AI computer that has almost succeeded in destroying the world!

21. (19.) If you are going to argue with Skynet, at least make sure you have some logic that would throw it into an endless recursive loop that will lock it up!

22. (20.) He could have installed Windows Vista on the computer - That would have caused it to crash every 30 minutes!

23. (21.) The patches required by Vista would cause Skynet to reboot twice every week. The humans can use that time to infiltrate and capture Skynet!

24. (22.) Putting charcoal over an airbrushed actor does not create an authentic desolate look! Try to get some make inspiration from Mad-Max if you have borrowed a few scenes from it!

25. (23.) The transformer type robot in point 9 raised the count of "Inspired movies" to 14!

26. (24.) Considering all the above points, this post should be called "your ticket money saving post!"

27. (25.) Add your own reason here!

28. A post-nuclear war world does not have a blue sky when nuclear explosions are still happening.

Cheating...!

Why do people cheat? Isn't one person enough?

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell
asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub
them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had
sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"


And its not just limited to men! A recent study in found that Australian women are as equally interested in an orgy as men! That may not necessarily mean its cheating though...

The 2nd Affair:


A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a
son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the
two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"



If we know that one spouse can get boring, is ok to deliberately wander every so often? We don't eat the same food everyday because it is boring...


The 3rd Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front
door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I
got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich
and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the
Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."



Is vengeance the right answer?

The 4th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle
of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."



Or is homicidal vengeance the answer?

The 5th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best
friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."


Why do some people cheat? Is it because they are hurt by others? Is it ok to cheat if you have been cheated on? or should one just curse their luck and move on...

!~~~ Hell or heaven for comic fans? ~~~!

I love watching cartoons - I generally prefer the animated variety, but sometimes the ones in real life provide much more entertainment

When a movie on a superhero is made, the obvious audience would be the people who have read the storybook / comic book. But very few superhero movies do ’real’ justice to their fans. The most common ’sin’ committed - if I may use the word - is to chop off parts of the story - or to twist some facts to suit the director. If the story is intact, the animation isn’t surreal because it is ’too detailed’ for the big screen - all this is done in the name of ’appealing’ to the movie going audience.

This is such a downer because while making the movie, they forget one important thing - the target ’audience’ for superhero movies is people who like reading the comic books - it is people who like the attention to details. In ordinary words - they are ’nerds’ like me !

So how does Hellboy fare in my exacting standards? Read on people...... read on !

First things first - I have to confess that I have not read the ’Hellboy’ comic book, but I have read enough comic books to know comic books. And knowing comic books is vital to review a super hero movie because the ’nerd’ in me knows what to look out for in such a movie.

It is the final days of World War II, the Germans and Russians combine modern science and ancient evil and build a machine to open a portal to the ’other’ world to bring forth the destruction of Earth. Ofcourse, if we have Russians and Germans colluding, the Americans can’t be far behind now, can they! The movie opens with a battalion of U.S. soldiers and a scientist/professor traveling together to thwart the evil plan of their enemies. Professor Trevor Bruttenholm, who is the American expert on magic and sorcery is at first mocked by the US military who think all this is just mumbo-jumbo. However as they reach the Island in Scotland that houses the device, the young professor is shocked to see Grigori Rasputin. His presence signifies something even more big than what he had anticipated.

Grigori Rasputin is a Russian mystic who plans awaken the Ogdru Jahad - The Seven monstrous Gods of Chaos. Helping him are his aides Ilsa von Haupstein and Karl Ruprecht Kroenen. Karl is a much touted killer in Hitler’s military! This man is seemingly invincible and many attempts to kill him, including shooting him in the head, have been futile. Just before operating the machine, Ilsa is made immortal with everlasting youth and beauty by Rasputin in exchange for eternal servitude.

When the machine starts, the Americans soldiers are awestuck by the spectacle that they witness. Not realising the gravity of the situation, they start whispering and they are found out. A fight erupts just when Rasputin starts to open the portal to the other world! What will happen next?

Will the Americans be able to save the destruction of the Earth at the hands of the evil Rasputin? or will Rasputin succeed in his scheme and be able to awaken the Ogdru Jahad? Does Rasputin have any other vested plans? Who is Karl Ruprecht Kroenen? Is he really invincible? Who is Hellboy and how does he figure in this scheme of things? Watch this movie to know the answers....

What I loved about this movie is that Mexican director Guillermo del Toro has done complete justice to the Dark Horse Comic book - Hellboy: Seed of Destruction by Mike Mignola.

What I didn’t like about the movie?
I didn’t like the attempts of the central character at humor and wit ! He is like that guy who tries too much to get the girl of his dreams that his wheels are spinning in place - he generates a lot of smoke without any fire - those of you who have seen the movie will know what I’m talking about... the rest can remember these lines and try to recollect them when they do see the movie :-)

Clearly if every guy in hell has the wit and charm like the hero of our book/movie, I’d say the girls who like guys should start being good - they certainly don’t wanna go to hell, bcoz they’d be bored out of their wits! But then its hell - maybe that is God’s way of punishing them evil girls :D

Why am I recommending a movie whose central character lacks suave? Read the next para !!

The feel that one gets while enjoying the comic book like reading the dialogs in the voice bubbles, reading the narration written at the top to enhance the description of the scene, the various shadows cast by the animators to create suspense and fear, the elaborate attention to various minute details in the plot that the reader can see after reading the comic umpteen number of times, the rich feel of the vibrant colours in the book, various characters like a group of policemen - some big and burly while others a little old with a family background (the ones you feel sad when they are killed), the gruesome creatures that make you cringe and wonder - Can the superhero survive this fearsome invincible thing?

All of these aspects - that make a good comic book have been authentically recreated in the movie without any compromise. I felt like I am reading a comic book on the screen !! For this satiating experience to the nerd in me, I give the director and the animators 10/10 !
If you worship comics and want to see justice being done to your religion, don’t miss this movie !

An important point to note is that none of the actors are well-known celebs. For comic based movies, getting big names in quite unnecessary because besides the actors being covered in a veil of costumes and makeup, the story is the main hero. Almost all the actors in the movie have a biography of similar movies. Full points to Jeremy Zimmermann for casting aptly.

The Art direction in the movie is A+ as are the costumes. It is due to this that the authentic comic book feel has been successfully retained. Full points to Marco Bittner Rosser, Peter Francis and James Hambidge for the Art and to Wendy Partridge for the Costumes.

For a list of complete cast, please see
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167190/combined

The movie won the 2004 Best Director - Feature Film - Imagen Award and the 2005 Saturn Award for
Best Make-Up. Both were well deserved, IMO.
For other nominations please visit
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167190/awards

my verdict?

For the average movie audience it is a 3 star movie. For someone big on comic books, it is a 4 star movie. For someone who loved to see justice being done to comics in movies, it is a 5 star movie !!
You know who you are...

!! Spike !!

This review was first published here by me.

Quickie reviews

Bengali
Antarmahal (2008) - * * * * * - A Bengali movie by Rituparno Ghosh about ancient superstitions and how they are twisted... Bengali directors are simply awesome. The region has immense talent and art! Not to forget, beauties too! This movie is set in 1878 and is about a landlord (Shroff) who desires a child. He marries a young bride (Soha) while his 1st wife is still with hi (Rupa Ganguly). The two women share a bond amidst the insecurities and yet they have this sisterly bond between them. The story is told from different POVs at times and is simply brilliant in some moments! Bachchan plays a sculptor who is to make an idol of Goddeess Durga. The landlord wants him to put the Queen's face on the idol to earn a title from the Empire and grow his power. The movie handles various topics like lust, power, marital rape, childlessness, polygamy, superstitions, vain kings, dis-loyalty, seduction. To watch such strong, bold, controversial cinema made at home was quite a shock for me. I was mighty impressed by the director and his handling of such a myriad of emotions with elan in this 2 hour movie! Classic!

French
A man and a woman (1966) - * * * - A story of a divorced model/actress and a widower race car driver. Their kids go to the same school and they both meet. The romance shown is very innocent and classy. The movie sometimes uses black and white to nice effect and also makes ample use of facial expressions to convey the romantic connection between the woman and the man. It also has an unexpected twist in the end... A nice romantic movie to watch when you have nothing to do but get your mush on! The man is played by Jean-Louis Trintrignant and the woman is played by Anouk Aimee. Direction is by Claude Lelouch. Classy romance.

English
Tadpole - * * 1/2 - Just what is it about the older woman that boys find attractive? Is it the intelligence, the full bodied figure, the commanding attitude, the understanding motherly way in which they act? The young boy (John Ritter) in the movie falls in love with his french step-mom (Sigourney Weaver). Only she doesn't know it yet. His mature demeanor and suave ways makes him irresistible to girls. The story takes a turn when he gets drunk and unwittingly sleeps with his step-mom's best friend (Bebe Neuwirth) because she was wearing his step-mom's scarf. The boy now jumps thru hoops in an effort to conceal what happened and this presents various funny moments in the movie. Rom-Com.

PS: Post style inspired by Vee's latest!

Roller Coasters!

Yesterday was fun - I discovered myself actually peaking while having fun. It was different from the other times because usually I go from 0 to 100% in no time when it comes to doing such things! Yesterday was different because it took me a good 8 hours before I started enjoying the roller coasters in the park! 8 hours! Can you imagine that?

Now before the smart asses start getting ideas about me turning older, etc, etc and invoke my wrath upon them - let me clarify, it was because of food! I ate too much and the drive to the park did not leave enough time for the food to settle down. Not the one to waste time, I jumped on the "Son of Beast" as soon as I entered the park and really "felt" the effects when the ride was over. I decided to take it slow and give myself some time to chill before I hit other really good coasters.

Thanks to new friends and old, a few hours were spent talking to them! Good conversations from the heart even though I was speaking to some after ages... picked up right where we had left off and the fun, flirt and leg-pulling started! Amazing how you can love certain ones while actually hurling abuses at them... marvelous joy! Cheers to such friendship!

A few conversations and a coke later, the spirits were lifted... - Coca Cola, an amazing dark bubbly liquid - what a business idea. BTW, do you know, the formula for making coke is known to only 3 people in the whole world. The other 2 cannot travel in the same airplane and they both have a key to the safe in which it is stored! And now, just because you are a loyal readers of my blog, you will know it too...
So ladies and gentlemen and whoever-you-are ... Here it the formula for Coke - the best selling soft drink in the world!

water + color + CO2 + addiction = handsome profit!

Genius! I do realize, this actually makes me an addict and also a fool, but hey, it makes me feel great! And if it makes you feel good, it has to be good for you, right? RIGHT! (I know the effects - so spare the wise comments about how its good for cleaning toilets and such... I have read that forwarded email already)

Now where were we? Ah yes, coasters! Amazing creations of steel, wood and concrete! They give such an adrenaline rush while keeping the rider in a safe and controlled environment!

Frankly, "Son of Beast", with its shaking wooden frame, harsh ride and the steep drop, provided more excitement than the newest addition - diamondback.

So which is the best coaster in the park? According to me, it has to be "Firehawk".
It makes you feel you are hanging in mid-air held and gives you the feeling of flying in the air! I thoroughly enjoyed riding it - twice!

Unfortunately for me, "The Beast" was closed, so missed out 1 coaster - that should be reason enough to visit the park again!

The park is called Kings Island and it has many Nickelodeon based attractions for kids and it also has many water rides. The water rides I plan to check out in my next trip whenever it happens.

Some free survival tips while visiting an adventure park -
1. Never eat too much food. It'll make you queasy. If you have to eat, do it in moderate quantities and have east food like fries, chips, etc. A 7 course meal and coaster do not match!
2. Water is your friend. Stay hydrated at all times. Often times its not the ride that will wring your guts out - its dehydration. Spot the signs.... If you are not sweating like a pig when its warm outside, its not the new anti-perspirant you are wearing - you are just dehydrated!
3. Dress for the occasion - water parks + bikini/swimming trunks = fun! - for everyone ;-) A spare set of clothes would come in handy after the water rides.
4. Hot sun - Sun block = dark burnt skin
5. Travel light. Some rides can be topsy-turvy, so its better not to carry a $500 cell-phone with you. Laptops are a strict no-no ... unless you have a girlfriend by that name (That was for guys and open minded girls reading this blog)
6. Carry a camera to capture the moments, but try not to make the curvy blond in the skimpy bikini the sole objective of your trip! She may have a tattoo sporting boyfriend watching you while you watch her!!
7. Makes friends with the boyfriend first and click the blondie snaps later!
8. Why are you still looking for more tips? This is not a project for God's sake! Go and be yourself, the point is to have fun.

So folks, do you like roller coasters or are you the ones who cannot handle them? or do you need to be called chicken before you hop on to one to prove the person wrong? Are you an adrenaline junkie too?

PS: Does any one have the video of Aakash and Shalini in Dil chata hai where he calls her a chicken before she hops on to the coaster?

Movie Review: Terminator Salvation

Movie review: Terminator Salvation (2009)

Sacrifice lunch hour to book tickets.
Build up hype to watch it FDFS.
Spend evening trying to sleep.
Make the mistake of turning on the television!
Catch "Pirates of Caribbean" and "Take the lead" on TV.
Lose sleep.
Catch the movie at 12:01 am. FDFS!
Come back disappointed.

The 1st half of the movie is spent in building up the premise of the story. The 2nd half is where all the action is.

The scenes in the movie will remind you of -
1. Black Hawk Down
2. Matrix
3. Matrix:Reloaded
4. Mad Max - Road warrior
5. Crank 2
6. Death Race
7. T2
8. I am Legend
9. Doomsday
10. T3
11. Dark Knight

T4 is a mish-mash of all these movies with some original "spice" thrown into it. The mix does not work for these reasons.
1. I have seen all these movies - just this year. I did not want a refresher course!
2. In this month alone, there were 3 other movies released - "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", "Star Trek", "Angels & Demons" - All were better than T4, even Wolverine, and I did not like wolverine that much!
3. I have not even watched "Angels & Demons" yet
4. I thought T3 was a bad movie
5. The music in some places felt like it was from a Hindi movie (Zanjeer is the one that came to mind)
6. Unlike Star Trek, no one clapped in joy when the movie ended (Star trek still got claps 3 weeks after its release!)

The movie evoked the similar feelings as watching Matrix Reloaded. The action was good, but the story was weak. It felt like this movie should have been an "in-between" movie. Like Matrix Reloaded, its too weak to stand on its own. And since Matrix reloaded was released years ago, this one was highly unoriginal even in its action. Come on man! Its a T4 movie. Try to show something original.

Seems like to me, the movie was made to cater to video game fans! Did someone in marketing forget, the movie has to be a hit for the other franchise to be successful? The plot is full of gaping loopholes! The action is barely passable. This one fits in the category of movies where all the cool scenes are already shown in the trailer.

The 1st half stands on a rating of 5/10. The second half stands at 6/10. This brings the avg rating to 5.5/10.
Disappointing for any movie.
For a T4 movie, that's very disappointing! Especially when you stay up in the middle of the work week to watch it. I know, you will still want to watch it and judge for yourself. Be my guest. I'll wait for you at the "frustrated fan party" right here! remember, there are no refunds! You are warned. No salvation in this movie!

Some of the trailers look good - Eagerly awaited movies are - Surrogates (Bruce Willis), Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law (i think)) {One has to find solace in something, right? We all live on hope after all!}

Kitchen tales of a bachelor - How to start an oil fire!

1. Take a pan and pour some oil in it
2. Put it on a flame
3. As the gas takes time to heat the oil, you cool off with a chilled beer
4. Since cold beer does not go with hot kitchen, retire in bedroom
5. You have lots of work to do later that involves cooking! Pop in a movie dvd to relax
6. Get engrossed in movie and fall asleep
(In the mean time, the hot oil has started smoking and managed to catch fire)
7. Wake up when the smoke alarm goes off
8. Call friend on phone to ask what is this buzzing noise and why wont it stop
9. On finally noticing the smoke, run into the kitchen
10. Take the hot flaming pan of oil - which by now has burnt half of the microwave - and place it on the kitchen floor
11. Leave a burnt mark in the kitchen floor with this brilliant maneuver, so perfectly round, it'll make your geometry teacher proud and your apartment owner really mad.
[Its just a parting gift for him to remember you by :-) ]
12. Blame friends for leaving cold beer in the house that almost caused the building to burn down!
13. Open another beer to relieve you from the stress you just had to undergo
14. Finish off all cold beer in the house to prevent another fire

The next lesson will be on how to kill the colluding cooker - be on time for the lesson and bring your own beer!

PS: Post inspired by THIS article by Abha!